The Commissioner has seen a lot and done a lot, but Omaha's latest two postings take the cake. In his paranoid ramblings, filled with non-sensical and highly improbable events, he has exposed himself to the rest of the league as the scurrilous scallywag he truly is.
A point-for-point refutation of his main arguments follows.
"It pains me to make this post." It pains all of us, Omaha.
He claims Ed didn't tell him the rules. Why should he? and why was Omaha looking to Ed for guidance? Ed was barely conscious during the entire summer, day or night. If Omaha wanted to pick teams without reviewing the rules, who were we to stop him? He was a guest, after all. We were told that Wayne had to come because Judy was coming to give Dianne someone to talk about boys with. I don't know why, she had three brothers who were boys she could talk to. Well, except for Ed. Wayne even claimed he "soldiered on, without complaining." As if soldiers never complained! Every soldier I knew, and I was a soldier, complained endlessly about everything.
Omaha says that being left-handed allowed him to cheat. I don't know why, I didn't follow that logic. And, it used to be that when people had disabilities they would try to hide them. But no, Wayne brags about being left-handed, claims it gave him special rights, like he was blessed or something. Now, everyone knows lefties are disadvantaged in life. They mature later, have more accidents, have trouble completing simple tasks and flip their wrist when they walk. You'd think that like all other lefties, Omaha would try to hide his condition out of respect for normal people. But no, not Omaha. He brags about it, throwing it in our faces, laughing hysterically all the while. Which brings me to my next point.
Omaha admits to hearing voices. I don't want to belabor this, but he really should try to hide at least a few of his flaws, especially ones that might lead people to think that he is stark, raving insane.
Omaha claims his spins made 7 and 3/4 revolutions before landing in the vertical position on the cards, which also happens to be where the "1" home run marker was. He is delusional. First of all, he didn't spin at all, he clunked the spinner with his index finger clicking off his thumb, the way a person might playfully tag an earlobe on someone who was annoying them, like Dianne. Secondly, he couldn't have spun the spinner, for in this hemisphere, things go clockwise down the toilet. If he were to spin it counterclockwise, some sort of cosmic order would have been disrupted and some sore of horrible catastrophe would have ensued.
His remembrance of Chappie didn't sound like Chappie to me. "Wow. It is amazing how you so skillfully manage to land the needle in zone 1with such frequency"? Are you kidding me? And, it was quite well known that Chappie hit the sauce pretty hard whenever Wayne would visit. I'm not saying he had a problem with Wayne or anything, but he hit the sauce really hard his entire visit.
Omaha claims the conspiracy theories give him a headache, then he details a conspiracy theory of the Commissioner using his drone to zap his pathetic, circa 1985 computer. Once and for all, the Commissioner does not own a drone. At best, it is rented. A little attention to details, please.
He claims "the esteemed Commish had removed the "G" and kicked him out of the O-Zone." First of all, I have to think that that "esteemed" was the basest sort of sarcasm, but that is neither here nor there. I do know two things. The IT Department does not want to deal with, in their words, "that jerk" again. As they are sub-contracted, I cannot force them to do odious things, like talk to Wayne again. Secondly, if that "tidy sum" is not in the mail soon, Omaha will feel the pain of redaction, to say the least.
