Get your facts straight, Naples. Pelini's contract was extended (a year ago) to February, 2018. That means he's the coach through the 2007 season, not 2008.
It's academic anyway, after today's meltdown, I'll be shocked if his days in Nebraska reach double figures. The sooner he's gone, the better.
Omaha
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Pelini Nebraska Coach Until At Least 2018
Congratulations to Omaha. His boy,Nebraska coach Bo Pelini is secure until after the 2018 season! From Sports Illustrated:
Way to go, Omaha!! The heartland knows talent when it sees it!!
07:21 AM ET 11.27 | Speculation about a coach's job safety brings a review of his contract. In the case of Bo Pelini, the Husker head coach in mid-December of last year received a "positive performance evaluation" that extended his contract a year to Feb. 28, 2018. The extension was given by outgoing athletic director Tom Osborne on Dec. 13 of last year based off the evaluation and "with the approval of the Chancellor," Harvey Perlman. That information, and updated data of assistants' contracts, was obtained this week from the athletic department at the Journal Star's request. Such one-year extensions are something of an annual procedure within the coaching profession. ... If Pelini were fired, the university would be on the hook for $7.65 million to him minus any salary guaranteed at his new employment.
Way to go, Omaha!! The heartland knows talent when it sees it!!
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Week 13 Picks Form (3 Thursday Games)
Week 12 Observations
1. Diane on the Rise. Diane has been slowly gaining the past few weeks and this week she rose to the number 2 slot with 122 to Kevin's 125. Mike is third now with 121.
2. Marcus on the Move. Marc has been moving up the board over the past three weeks, all solid for the Commissioner's first born. With a league leading 10 points this week, his joins the leaders in forth place with 118.
3. A Quiet Blog. The activity on the blog has been reduced to accusations from Naples and retaliation from the Commish. Maybe it is the holidays. Or, maybe it is because of emotional exhaustion and intellectual bankruptcy. Either way, Blaaaah.
4. The Mendoza Line Breached. Numerous league members had their worst week ever, or so it seems. Omaha, New Haven, Steady Eddy, Luke, Kevin and Kate were all below .500, with Kirk, Luke and Kate way below .500.
5. Patriot Haters. Wayne, Kirk, and Bran were joined by Patrick to throw away points. I don't get it. Kev thinks, and I agree, that the Pats can play with anyone and win on the road. They were jobbed last week and fortunate this week, but both games were a toss-up, and Belichek teams win most toss-ups. I'm not complaining; it all helps my score, but I'm confused about why people seem to jump at the chance to pick against them.
6. Chiefs Lose. I was pretty surprised that the Chiefs gave up so many points and lost their second straight game. Of course, both those losses featured decent quarterbacks and not the back ups they faced so often during their winning streak. I'll have to re-evaluate their quality, and this coming week they face the Broncos coming off a loss. How cold will it be in KC?
7. Peyton Looked Old and Cold. He didn't throw the ball much and according to Patriot insiders that was by design. They say the Pats purposefully gave looks that favored the run so that Peyton wouldn't pass. Okay, but how do you explain his fumble when he was untouched by any Patriot. And how many teams give up 250 yards rushing and win? What?? And the Superbowl is in New York this year! In early February! New York! And if the Bronco get home field advantage, he will have to play in cold, windy and possibly snowy conditions throughout the playoffs! What are the chances he will be able to win every one of those games?
8. Giants Lose Again. I am going to give up on the Giants. I don't know what happened to Eli, but he looks awful. I've lost more points on them this year than any other team and I've had it with them.
2. Marcus on the Move. Marc has been moving up the board over the past three weeks, all solid for the Commissioner's first born. With a league leading 10 points this week, his joins the leaders in forth place with 118.
3. A Quiet Blog. The activity on the blog has been reduced to accusations from Naples and retaliation from the Commish. Maybe it is the holidays. Or, maybe it is because of emotional exhaustion and intellectual bankruptcy. Either way, Blaaaah.
4. The Mendoza Line Breached. Numerous league members had their worst week ever, or so it seems. Omaha, New Haven, Steady Eddy, Luke, Kevin and Kate were all below .500, with Kirk, Luke and Kate way below .500.
5. Patriot Haters. Wayne, Kirk, and Bran were joined by Patrick to throw away points. I don't get it. Kev thinks, and I agree, that the Pats can play with anyone and win on the road. They were jobbed last week and fortunate this week, but both games were a toss-up, and Belichek teams win most toss-ups. I'm not complaining; it all helps my score, but I'm confused about why people seem to jump at the chance to pick against them.
6. Chiefs Lose. I was pretty surprised that the Chiefs gave up so many points and lost their second straight game. Of course, both those losses featured decent quarterbacks and not the back ups they faced so often during their winning streak. I'll have to re-evaluate their quality, and this coming week they face the Broncos coming off a loss. How cold will it be in KC?
7. Peyton Looked Old and Cold. He didn't throw the ball much and according to Patriot insiders that was by design. They say the Pats purposefully gave looks that favored the run so that Peyton wouldn't pass. Okay, but how do you explain his fumble when he was untouched by any Patriot. And how many teams give up 250 yards rushing and win? What?? And the Superbowl is in New York this year! In early February! New York! And if the Bronco get home field advantage, he will have to play in cold, windy and possibly snowy conditions throughout the playoffs! What are the chances he will be able to win every one of those games?
8. Giants Lose Again. I am going to give up on the Giants. I don't know what happened to Eli, but he looks awful. I've lost more points on them this year than any other team and I've had it with them.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Thursday Week 12
The King in the North: Saints
Easy Ed: Saints
Also a warning to this Bruno character, should he travel north with ill intent he should be prepared to face the King's justice.
Easy Ed: Saints
Also a warning to this Bruno character, should he travel north with ill intent he should be prepared to face the King's justice.
Week 12 Picks Form
Bruno
The Commissioner announced today that Bruno Santiago, the official in charge of accuracy of the league's picks, has been summarily fired. The Commissioner added that when demanded exactly why he identified Patrick and Ed O'Leary's erroneous pick of the Bills over the Jets last week. The Commissioner also supplied Bruno with pictures of both Patrick and Ed, their places of employment, and their address. He also loaned Bruno $500 for round trip tickets to Manchester, NH. When asked why did all these things, the Commissioner said, "The dude was pissed."
In other news, the financial page of the GoZone has been updated.
In other news, the financial page of the GoZone has been updated.
Re: Week 11 Stats
My dad and I had the Jets... I think. I'm not sure what I put in the survey actually. Easy Ed was quoted as saying we should keep quiet but as King I'm honor bound to see such errors corrected even if it's to my detriment. Such is the weight of my crown. Btw I thought the monkey was to prevent such errors. Does this monkey smoke a lot of crack I wonder?
His Grace,
The King in the North
His Grace,
The King in the North
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Code Broken!!
The Commissioner has broken Omaha's code!! Here is his redacted "How I Cheated" post.
You see folks, this is why the three cuz's always failed to beat me at strat-o-matic baseball. They have no vision; they can't see the forest for the trees. Instead of listening to the question, or asking what's the question, they just take the easy way out and answer the question, any question, without a clue as to what's being asked.
The question is, how come Wayne was so superior to his three cousins at playing this all-star baseball game? That's a pretty straight-forward, simple question.
But instead of taking the academic route towards an answer, Mike chooses to ignore the question and instead wage a war over whether or not Ted Williams was left-handed.
I, on the other hand, upon introduction to the all-star strat-o-matic baseball game, was instantly attracted to the "bat" as it were, i.e., the arrow that was spun to determine how and where the batter hit the ball. I quickly realized the number of revolutions and the final destination of the arrow's head (point) was determined by two factors: (1) - the amount of friction between the arrow and the mechanism upon which it was destroy, and (2) - the amount of propulsion (spin) administered by the batter (me) when swinging the bat (spinning the arrow.)
Pretty simple stuff, but far beyond the three stooge's collective grasp.
The arrow had a hole in the center of the shaft, and was mounted over a peg, resting on the game's "board". There was a "cap" holding the arrow in place so it wouldn't fly into the sunset when I gave it a spin. The peg, the board, and the cap all applied friction to the arrow.
The challenge, naturally, was measuring the amount of propulsion necessary to spin the arrow exactly 7-3/4 revolutions from the 9 o'clock position to stop between 11 o-clock and high noon, where the home run awaited. Cousin Ed demonstrated his spin for me, at various speeds and coming to rest at numerous locations. He made it a point to tell me the arrow must make a minimum of seven revolutions before coming to a stop.
I took a few practice spins and quickly deduced the appropriate amount of propulsion necessary to hit a home run. A few more practice swings to achieve muscle memory, and the rest is history.
Now here we are, almost 60 years later, and Mike's answer to the simple question highlighted above is to still argue whether or not Ted Williams was left-handed.
Aye yi yi.
You see folks, this is why the three cuz's always failed to beat me at strat-o-matic baseball. They have no vision; they can't see the forest for the trees. Instead of listening to the question, or asking what's the question, they just take the easy way out and answer the question, any question, without a clue as to what's being asked.
The question is, how come Wayne was so superior to his three cousins at playing this all-star baseball game? That's a pretty straight-forward, simple question.
But instead of taking the academic route towards an answer, Mike chooses to ignore the question and instead wage a war over whether or not Ted Williams was left-handed.
I, on the other hand, upon introduction to the all-star strat-o-matic baseball game, was instantly attracted to the "bat" as it were, i.e., the arrow that was spun to determine how and where the batter hit the ball. I quickly realized the number of revolutions and the final destination of the arrow's head (point) was determined by two factors: (1) - the amount of friction between the arrow and the mechanism upon which it was destroy, and (2) - the amount of propulsion (spin) administered by the batter (me) when swinging the bat (spinning the arrow.)
Pretty simple stuff, but far beyond the three stooge's collective grasp.
The arrow had a hole in the center of the shaft, and was mounted over a peg, resting on the game's "board". There was a "cap" holding the arrow in place so it wouldn't fly into the sunset when I gave it a spin. The peg, the board, and the cap all applied friction to the arrow.
The challenge, naturally, was measuring the amount of propulsion necessary to spin the arrow exactly 7-3/4 revolutions from the 9 o'clock position to stop between 11 o-clock and high noon, where the home run awaited. Cousin Ed demonstrated his spin for me, at various speeds and coming to rest at numerous locations. He made it a point to tell me the arrow must make a minimum of seven revolutions before coming to a stop.
I took a few practice spins and quickly deduced the appropriate amount of propulsion necessary to hit a home run. A few more practice swings to achieve muscle memory, and the rest is history.
Now here we are, almost 60 years later, and Mike's answer to the simple question highlighted above is to still argue whether or not Ted Williams was left-handed.
Aye yi yi.
Facts
It was nice of Omaha to explain exactly how he cheated at Strat-0-Matic baseball, however a review of the facts are needed.
Fact 1: No, Omaha didn't always spin exactly 7 and 1/4 turns. In fact, he seldom got it around even once.
Fact 2: No, Chappie did not sound like a member of the British royal family when he spoke. He sounded exactly like someone born to two 100% Irish immigrants.
Fact 3: No, Ted Williams was not left-handed. He batted left-handed, but he was right handed otherwise.
Fact 1: No, Omaha didn't always spin exactly 7 and 1/4 turns. In fact, he seldom got it around even once.
Fact 2: No, Chappie did not sound like a member of the British royal family when he spoke. He sounded exactly like someone born to two 100% Irish immigrants.
Fact 3: No, Ted Williams was not left-handed. He batted left-handed, but he was right handed otherwise.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Crying
I sit here in tears over Cuz Omaha's kind and well-constructed words about mom and dad. I am a bit prejudiced about the subject, but yes, they were special people. They are locked in here as well. Extremely lucky to have such parents.
However, Omaha's recollection of his physics-oriented spins leaves only one clear conclusion----gobbledy-gook. It was solidified when he mentioned his "muscle memory".
Cuz Wayne, all the best with your procedure. Keep us posted.
Cuz Naples
However, Omaha's recollection of his physics-oriented spins leaves only one clear conclusion----gobbledy-gook. It was solidified when he mentioned his "muscle memory".
Cuz Wayne, all the best with your procedure. Keep us posted.
Cuz Naples
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
You see folks, this is why the three cuz's always failed to beat me at strat-o-matic baseball. They have no vision; they can't see the forest for the trees. Instead of listening to the question, or asking what's the question, they just take the easy way out and answer the question, any question, without a clue as to what's being asked.
The question is, how come Wayne was so superior to his three cousins at playing this all-star baseball game? That's a pretty straight-forward, simple question.
But instead of taking the academic route towards an answer, Mike chooses to ignore the question and instead wage a war over whether or not Ted Williams was left-handed.
I, on the other hand, upon introduction to the all-star strat-o-matic baseball game, was instantly attracted to the "bat" as it were, i.e., the arrow that was spun to determine how and where the batter hit the ball. I quickly realized the number of revolutions and the final destination of the arrow's head (point) was determined by two factors: (1) - the amount of friction between the arrow and the mechanism upon which it was mounted, and (2) - the amount of propulsion (spin) administered by the batter (me) when swinging the bat (spinning the arrow.)
Pretty simple stuff, but far beyond the three stooge's collective grasp.
The arrow had a hole in the center of the shaft, and was mounted over a peg, resting on the game's "board". There was a "cap" holding the arrow in place so it wouldn't fly into the sunset when I gave it a spin. The peg, the board, and the cap all applied friction to the arrow.
The challenge, naturally, was measuring the amount of propulsion necessary to spin the arrow exactly 7-3/4 revolutions from the 9 o'clock position to stop between 11 o-clock and high noon, where the home run awaited. Cousin Ed demonstrated his spin for me, at various speeds and coming to rest at numerous locations. He made it a point to tell me the arrow must make a minimum of seven revolutions before coming to a stop.
I took a few practice spins and quickly deduced the appropriate amount of propulsion necessary to hit a home run. A few more practice swings to achieve muscle memory, and the rest is history.
Now here we are, almost 60 years later, and Mike's answer to the simple question highlighted above is to still argue whether or not Ted Williams was left-handed.
Aye yi yi.
The question is, how come Wayne was so superior to his three cousins at playing this all-star baseball game? That's a pretty straight-forward, simple question.
But instead of taking the academic route towards an answer, Mike chooses to ignore the question and instead wage a war over whether or not Ted Williams was left-handed.
I, on the other hand, upon introduction to the all-star strat-o-matic baseball game, was instantly attracted to the "bat" as it were, i.e., the arrow that was spun to determine how and where the batter hit the ball. I quickly realized the number of revolutions and the final destination of the arrow's head (point) was determined by two factors: (1) - the amount of friction between the arrow and the mechanism upon which it was mounted, and (2) - the amount of propulsion (spin) administered by the batter (me) when swinging the bat (spinning the arrow.)
Pretty simple stuff, but far beyond the three stooge's collective grasp.
The arrow had a hole in the center of the shaft, and was mounted over a peg, resting on the game's "board". There was a "cap" holding the arrow in place so it wouldn't fly into the sunset when I gave it a spin. The peg, the board, and the cap all applied friction to the arrow.
The challenge, naturally, was measuring the amount of propulsion necessary to spin the arrow exactly 7-3/4 revolutions from the 9 o'clock position to stop between 11 o-clock and high noon, where the home run awaited. Cousin Ed demonstrated his spin for me, at various speeds and coming to rest at numerous locations. He made it a point to tell me the arrow must make a minimum of seven revolutions before coming to a stop.
I took a few practice spins and quickly deduced the appropriate amount of propulsion necessary to hit a home run. A few more practice swings to achieve muscle memory, and the rest is history.
Now here we are, almost 60 years later, and Mike's answer to the simple question highlighted above is to still argue whether or not Ted Williams was left-handed.
Aye yi yi.
Ted Williams was Right-Handed
He batted left, but he was right-handed. I bat left, but I'm not left handed. You said Ted Williams was left handed. He wasn't. End of story. I don't know why you are insulting him anyway. Jeez. Have you no decency?
Week 11 Picks Form
Re: Recent Posts
To Naples: That's "scurrilous" and "odious."
To Sanford: "Whoever won" is not a valid prediction, although the Commissioner understands why Sean may be getting desperate. To avoid these kinds of choices, the league is looking into using checkboxes to make picks. Threats upon monkey will be investigated, rest assured.
To Omaha: Ted Williams was not left handed. Leave it to a Yankees fan to malign his memory. Also, you accuse the Commissioner of being cheap, yet you cry like a little girl about the finances. Which is it, cheap or extravagant?
The Commissioner hard at work in the central office's winter headquarters
To Sanford: "Whoever won" is not a valid prediction, although the Commissioner understands why Sean may be getting desperate. To avoid these kinds of choices, the league is looking into using checkboxes to make picks. Threats upon monkey will be investigated, rest assured.
To Omaha: Ted Williams was not left handed. Leave it to a Yankees fan to malign his memory. Also, you accuse the Commissioner of being cheap, yet you cry like a little girl about the finances. Which is it, cheap or extravagant?
Chappie in normal times:
Chappie watching the Red Sox lose:
Millie all the time:
Millie's college graduation picture:
The Commissioner hard at work in the central office's winter headquarters
Monday, November 11, 2013
Wow, where to begin?
Being left-handed is being handicapped? Heh, tell that to the Splendid Splinter, Phil Michelson, Whitey Ford, Sandy Kofax, Ken Stabler, (well, he was chemically handicapped) Big Papi. The list goes on and on.
Being left-handed is to be celebrated. We are set apart (and considerably above) the rest!
It's clear that my three cousins didn't like my summer visits. I can't blame them. I wouldn't be thrilled to take the beatings I administered in the baseball games at Mount Base or on the porch overlooking the lake. Saints Millie and Chappie looked forward to my visits, though. Clearly, it was the only time Ed, Mike and the brat ever got their asses spanked.
Mike's continuous allegations that I didn't actually spin the arrow at all flies in the face of reality. Like a good golf swing, it must be repeated over and over again in order to attain perfection and achieve the desired result. Failure to spin correctly results in failure...er, sorry guys, the last thing I want to do is rub in it. Your fascination with watching your shit swirl clockwise on its way down the toilet places you in a box where you think everything moves clockwise. Think outside the box.
To wit: A right-hander swinging a bat moves it counter-clockwise, while the left-hander's rotation would be - TAA DAA - clockwise. This is true not just in this hemisphere, but throughout this world!
I may forget why I turned on the computer 10 minutes ago, but I have a vivid memory of my beloved Aunt Millie and Uncle Chappie. I remember every work they ever spoke to me. They are locked in the vault. Their words of wisdom have guided me throughout my life. But I loved them for more than their wisdom. What I respected most was their character, unconditional love, sense of fair play and above all, their honesty.
When Uncle Chappie said Red hit a home run, he undoubtedly hit a home run.
When Uncle Chappie reviewed my "spin" and declared it not only legal, but like Teddy Ballgame's swing, a thing of beauty, my "spin" was both legal and athletically perfect.
You may besmirch his name and reputation because, well, you have no honor.
And lastly, your "IT" department is manned by a bunch of slugs. To save money and eliminate benefits, you cheap bastard, you hired contractors who care nothing about quality service. You get what you pay for - nothing. As Kris Kristopherson wrote: nothing ain't worth nothing, but it's free.
Omaha
(The Undefeated)
Being left-handed is being handicapped? Heh, tell that to the Splendid Splinter, Phil Michelson, Whitey Ford, Sandy Kofax, Ken Stabler, (well, he was chemically handicapped) Big Papi. The list goes on and on.
Being left-handed is to be celebrated. We are set apart (and considerably above) the rest!
It's clear that my three cousins didn't like my summer visits. I can't blame them. I wouldn't be thrilled to take the beatings I administered in the baseball games at Mount Base or on the porch overlooking the lake. Saints Millie and Chappie looked forward to my visits, though. Clearly, it was the only time Ed, Mike and the brat ever got their asses spanked.
Mike's continuous allegations that I didn't actually spin the arrow at all flies in the face of reality. Like a good golf swing, it must be repeated over and over again in order to attain perfection and achieve the desired result. Failure to spin correctly results in failure...er, sorry guys, the last thing I want to do is rub in it. Your fascination with watching your shit swirl clockwise on its way down the toilet places you in a box where you think everything moves clockwise. Think outside the box.
To wit: A right-hander swinging a bat moves it counter-clockwise, while the left-hander's rotation would be - TAA DAA - clockwise. This is true not just in this hemisphere, but throughout this world!
I may forget why I turned on the computer 10 minutes ago, but I have a vivid memory of my beloved Aunt Millie and Uncle Chappie. I remember every work they ever spoke to me. They are locked in the vault. Their words of wisdom have guided me throughout my life. But I loved them for more than their wisdom. What I respected most was their character, unconditional love, sense of fair play and above all, their honesty.
When Uncle Chappie said Red hit a home run, he undoubtedly hit a home run.
When Uncle Chappie reviewed my "spin" and declared it not only legal, but like Teddy Ballgame's swing, a thing of beauty, my "spin" was both legal and athletically perfect.
You may besmirch his name and reputation because, well, you have no honor.
And lastly, your "IT" department is manned by a bunch of slugs. To save money and eliminate benefits, you cheap bastard, you hired contractors who care nothing about quality service. You get what you pay for - nothing. As Kris Kristopherson wrote: nothing ain't worth nothing, but it's free.
Omaha
(The Undefeated)
Red
All I can say about the latest Cuz Omaha deal is this. Red Schoendienst had a "1" that couldn't even fit the minicule space and he ends up leading the league in homers! Are you kidding? Every one of his homers were deeply contested because the needle was bigger than the zone. Left-handed cheater! Also, anyone who is both squirrelous and odorous has a problem. Millie always vetoed Chappie's vote about the Cuz Wayne summer visits. Why do think Jim Lahey made his own beer next door! Chappie paid him!
Best to Wayne
Naples
Best to Wayne
Naples
Omaha is Back, Sort of
The Commissioner has seen a lot and done a lot, but Omaha's latest two postings take the cake. In his paranoid ramblings, filled with non-sensical and highly improbable events, he has exposed himself to the rest of the league as the scurrilous scallywag he truly is.
A point-for-point refutation of his main arguments follows.
"It pains me to make this post." It pains all of us, Omaha.
He claims Ed didn't tell him the rules. Why should he? and why was Omaha looking to Ed for guidance? Ed was barely conscious during the entire summer, day or night. If Omaha wanted to pick teams without reviewing the rules, who were we to stop him? He was a guest, after all. We were told that Wayne had to come because Judy was coming to give Dianne someone to talk about boys with. I don't know why, she had three brothers who were boys she could talk to. Well, except for Ed. Wayne even claimed he "soldiered on, without complaining." As if soldiers never complained! Every soldier I knew, and I was a soldier, complained endlessly about everything.
Omaha says that being left-handed allowed him to cheat. I don't know why, I didn't follow that logic. And, it used to be that when people had disabilities they would try to hide them. But no, Wayne brags about being left-handed, claims it gave him special rights, like he was blessed or something. Now, everyone knows lefties are disadvantaged in life. They mature later, have more accidents, have trouble completing simple tasks and flip their wrist when they walk. You'd think that like all other lefties, Omaha would try to hide his condition out of respect for normal people. But no, not Omaha. He brags about it, throwing it in our faces, laughing hysterically all the while. Which brings me to my next point.
Omaha admits to hearing voices. I don't want to belabor this, but he really should try to hide at least a few of his flaws, especially ones that might lead people to think that he is stark, raving insane.
Omaha claims his spins made 7 and 3/4 revolutions before landing in the vertical position on the cards, which also happens to be where the "1" home run marker was. He is delusional. First of all, he didn't spin at all, he clunked the spinner with his index finger clicking off his thumb, the way a person might playfully tag an earlobe on someone who was annoying them, like Dianne. Secondly, he couldn't have spun the spinner, for in this hemisphere, things go clockwise down the toilet. If he were to spin it counterclockwise, some sort of cosmic order would have been disrupted and some sore of horrible catastrophe would have ensued.
His remembrance of Chappie didn't sound like Chappie to me. "Wow. It is amazing how you so skillfully manage to land the needle in zone 1with such frequency"? Are you kidding me? And, it was quite well known that Chappie hit the sauce pretty hard whenever Wayne would visit. I'm not saying he had a problem with Wayne or anything, but he hit the sauce really hard his entire visit.
Omaha claims the conspiracy theories give him a headache, then he details a conspiracy theory of the Commissioner using his drone to zap his pathetic, circa 1985 computer. Once and for all, the Commissioner does not own a drone. At best, it is rented. A little attention to details, please.
He claims "the esteemed Commish had removed the "G" and kicked him out of the O-Zone." First of all, I have to think that that "esteemed" was the basest sort of sarcasm, but that is neither here nor there. I do know two things. The IT Department does not want to deal with, in their words, "that jerk" again. As they are sub-contracted, I cannot force them to do odious things, like talk to Wayne again. Secondly, if that "tidy sum" is not in the mail soon, Omaha will feel the pain of redaction, to say the least.
A point-for-point refutation of his main arguments follows.
"It pains me to make this post." It pains all of us, Omaha.
He claims Ed didn't tell him the rules. Why should he? and why was Omaha looking to Ed for guidance? Ed was barely conscious during the entire summer, day or night. If Omaha wanted to pick teams without reviewing the rules, who were we to stop him? He was a guest, after all. We were told that Wayne had to come because Judy was coming to give Dianne someone to talk about boys with. I don't know why, she had three brothers who were boys she could talk to. Well, except for Ed. Wayne even claimed he "soldiered on, without complaining." As if soldiers never complained! Every soldier I knew, and I was a soldier, complained endlessly about everything.
Omaha says that being left-handed allowed him to cheat. I don't know why, I didn't follow that logic. And, it used to be that when people had disabilities they would try to hide them. But no, Wayne brags about being left-handed, claims it gave him special rights, like he was blessed or something. Now, everyone knows lefties are disadvantaged in life. They mature later, have more accidents, have trouble completing simple tasks and flip their wrist when they walk. You'd think that like all other lefties, Omaha would try to hide his condition out of respect for normal people. But no, not Omaha. He brags about it, throwing it in our faces, laughing hysterically all the while. Which brings me to my next point.
Omaha admits to hearing voices. I don't want to belabor this, but he really should try to hide at least a few of his flaws, especially ones that might lead people to think that he is stark, raving insane.
Omaha claims his spins made 7 and 3/4 revolutions before landing in the vertical position on the cards, which also happens to be where the "1" home run marker was. He is delusional. First of all, he didn't spin at all, he clunked the spinner with his index finger clicking off his thumb, the way a person might playfully tag an earlobe on someone who was annoying them, like Dianne. Secondly, he couldn't have spun the spinner, for in this hemisphere, things go clockwise down the toilet. If he were to spin it counterclockwise, some sort of cosmic order would have been disrupted and some sore of horrible catastrophe would have ensued.
His remembrance of Chappie didn't sound like Chappie to me. "Wow. It is amazing how you so skillfully manage to land the needle in zone 1with such frequency"? Are you kidding me? And, it was quite well known that Chappie hit the sauce pretty hard whenever Wayne would visit. I'm not saying he had a problem with Wayne or anything, but he hit the sauce really hard his entire visit.
Omaha claims the conspiracy theories give him a headache, then he details a conspiracy theory of the Commissioner using his drone to zap his pathetic, circa 1985 computer. Once and for all, the Commissioner does not own a drone. At best, it is rented. A little attention to details, please.
He claims "the esteemed Commish had removed the "G" and kicked him out of the O-Zone." First of all, I have to think that that "esteemed" was the basest sort of sarcasm, but that is neither here nor there. I do know two things. The IT Department does not want to deal with, in their words, "that jerk" again. As they are sub-contracted, I cannot force them to do odious things, like talk to Wayne again. Secondly, if that "tidy sum" is not in the mail soon, Omaha will feel the pain of redaction, to say the least.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
It pains me to make this post.
Once again, I am forced to defend my athletic skill and yes, my honor, for my undefeated world series record at All-Star strat-o-matic baseball. My skill at the game was so superior, those rubes had no chance to beat me. Ed, Mike, Kev...heh, they were no match for my skill at the game.
Ed didn't even tell me the rules. I had to pick my players without knowing what the various numbered zones stood for. I got suspicious after about 8 rounds of drafting players, when Ed picked Jim Perry as his ace pitcher. Jim Perry? Not Whitey Ford, Warren Spahn, Bob Feller, and other greats of the day??? Jim Perry? It turns out zones 7 and 11 stood for singles, and Jim Perry's zones were as large as Nellie Fox's, and Nellie had the largest ones in the game. According to those player cards, Jim Perry would hit for a higher average than anyone on my team. But I soldiered on, without complaining.
As Mike said, the common spin started at the 3 o'clock position, IF YOU ARE RIGHT-HANDED, as the cuz's were. But I am left-handed. My spin started at the 9 o'clock position, spun in the opposite direction, made almost exactly 7-3/4 revolutions, generally ending up somewhere between 11 o'clock and high noon. As it happens, the home run zone on the player cards were at that exact location.
Oh, how they whined, and whined, and whined. How can Red Schoendeist hit a home run with that tiny zone? So they protested.
Now, it happens we had a fair and impartial umpire in residence, one who understood the game and had great experience diplomatically dealing with whiners. The only experience he lacked, obviously, was spanking them.
I demonstrated my needle spin for our esteemed umpire. "Wow," he said, "it's amazing how you so skillfully manage to land the needle in zone No. 1 with such frequency." The three brats groaned. He then asked them to demonstrate their spins. "They land all over the place," he said, "especially in the 6, 8 and 10 zones. You guys get a lot of whiffs and other outs, huh?" Despite their constant reminders that they came from his loins, our fair-minded umpire, his honesty above reproach, consistently called-em-as-he-saw-em, and yes, Red actually hit more home runs than Ted Williams.
Now, that umpire was to be the inspiration for my own umpiring career. And to watch my cousins call into question...no, flat-out accuse His Honor, the esteemed Edmund Joseph O'Leary, Sr., of showing favoritism in his rulings, is like shoving a knife in my belly. Oh, the inhumanity! How could you? Ohhhhh the shame...
Once again, I am forced to defend my athletic skill and yes, my honor, for my undefeated world series record at All-Star strat-o-matic baseball. My skill at the game was so superior, those rubes had no chance to beat me. Ed, Mike, Kev...heh, they were no match for my skill at the game.
Ed didn't even tell me the rules. I had to pick my players without knowing what the various numbered zones stood for. I got suspicious after about 8 rounds of drafting players, when Ed picked Jim Perry as his ace pitcher. Jim Perry? Not Whitey Ford, Warren Spahn, Bob Feller, and other greats of the day??? Jim Perry? It turns out zones 7 and 11 stood for singles, and Jim Perry's zones were as large as Nellie Fox's, and Nellie had the largest ones in the game. According to those player cards, Jim Perry would hit for a higher average than anyone on my team. But I soldiered on, without complaining.
As Mike said, the common spin started at the 3 o'clock position, IF YOU ARE RIGHT-HANDED, as the cuz's were. But I am left-handed. My spin started at the 9 o'clock position, spun in the opposite direction, made almost exactly 7-3/4 revolutions, generally ending up somewhere between 11 o'clock and high noon. As it happens, the home run zone on the player cards were at that exact location.
Oh, how they whined, and whined, and whined. How can Red Schoendeist hit a home run with that tiny zone? So they protested.
Now, it happens we had a fair and impartial umpire in residence, one who understood the game and had great experience diplomatically dealing with whiners. The only experience he lacked, obviously, was spanking them.
I demonstrated my needle spin for our esteemed umpire. "Wow," he said, "it's amazing how you so skillfully manage to land the needle in zone No. 1 with such frequency." The three brats groaned. He then asked them to demonstrate their spins. "They land all over the place," he said, "especially in the 6, 8 and 10 zones. You guys get a lot of whiffs and other outs, huh?" Despite their constant reminders that they came from his loins, our fair-minded umpire, his honesty above reproach, consistently called-em-as-he-saw-em, and yes, Red actually hit more home runs than Ted Williams.
Now, that umpire was to be the inspiration for my own umpiring career. And to watch my cousins call into question...no, flat-out accuse His Honor, the esteemed Edmund Joseph O'Leary, Sr., of showing favoritism in his rulings, is like shoving a knife in my belly. Oh, the inhumanity! How could you? Ohhhhh the shame...
Sheesh. I don't know where to start. After struggling through all the posts I've missed these past couple of weeks, my only response is to plead with all of you: Please, please, climb down from the grassy knoll.
All this conspiracy talk has given me a headache. My new hearing aids have short-circuited, lost their calibration, and now I hear all kinds of whistles, cracklings and rattles. I had to make an appointment for this coming Wednesday to have them re-calibrated to stop all the noise in my head. The Commish has started all this conspiracy talk to divert our attention from his devious power grab.
I mean, common now, he "talked" to Ed and has him on his side? Shit the greatest comedy writers in history couldn't come up with a funnier line then that. He "talked" to Ed, chased me into exile, and has somehow convinced Kirk that he is a man of honor.
Hey Kirk, THE EMPEROR WEARS NO CLOTHES!
Let's start with my computer failure. Sadly, it suffered a direct radio signal hit from the Commish's drone, reported as a UFO by several of my neighbors. Several teams of Omaha's finest tried in vain to shoot it down, and before they could summon help from the Strategic Air Command Headquarters at Offutt Air Force Base in the suburb of Bellevue, it was too late. Jets were scrambled and buzzed the house for three hours in vain. There were reports it quietly landed at the old, abandoned north Omaha Air Guard base, quickly loaded into a semi-trailer and hauled away. The cops raced from my far west Omaha location to the far north side in vain, as the culprits clearly crossed the nearby Missouri River into Iowa, where they disappeared into the field of dreams.
When at last my new computer arrived, I discovered our esteemed Commish had removed the "G" and kicked me out of the O-Zone. It took two days of negotiating, pleading and finally, bribing the bastard for re-entry. He did, however, say "thank you" for the tidy sum he thinks he will be receiving in the mail.
All this conspiracy talk has given me a headache. My new hearing aids have short-circuited, lost their calibration, and now I hear all kinds of whistles, cracklings and rattles. I had to make an appointment for this coming Wednesday to have them re-calibrated to stop all the noise in my head. The Commish has started all this conspiracy talk to divert our attention from his devious power grab.
I mean, common now, he "talked" to Ed and has him on his side? Shit the greatest comedy writers in history couldn't come up with a funnier line then that. He "talked" to Ed, chased me into exile, and has somehow convinced Kirk that he is a man of honor.
Hey Kirk, THE EMPEROR WEARS NO CLOTHES!
Let's start with my computer failure. Sadly, it suffered a direct radio signal hit from the Commish's drone, reported as a UFO by several of my neighbors. Several teams of Omaha's finest tried in vain to shoot it down, and before they could summon help from the Strategic Air Command Headquarters at Offutt Air Force Base in the suburb of Bellevue, it was too late. Jets were scrambled and buzzed the house for three hours in vain. There were reports it quietly landed at the old, abandoned north Omaha Air Guard base, quickly loaded into a semi-trailer and hauled away. The cops raced from my far west Omaha location to the far north side in vain, as the culprits clearly crossed the nearby Missouri River into Iowa, where they disappeared into the field of dreams.
When at last my new computer arrived, I discovered our esteemed Commish had removed the "G" and kicked me out of the O-Zone. It took two days of negotiating, pleading and finally, bribing the bastard for re-entry. He did, however, say "thank you" for the tidy sum he thinks he will be receiving in the mail.
Last Week
Sean demands his point back from last week for the Titans/Rams game. He said he picked "whoever won". Sean is upset that he no longer has the post to refer to and knows the Commish would never take his word for it. He demands access to the monkey to locate his missing point. Immediate action better be taken or I don't know what will become of the monkey....
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Week 10 Picks Form
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Week 8 and 9 Observations
Kirk Strong 8, Marcus 9. Granby hit week 8 hard with 12 wins and only 1 loss. Marc was the only player to get 9 wins week 9.
Kevin Ascends. Kevin followed a 10-3 week 8 with a 8-5 week 9, pushing his lead to 3 over the Commish, and 5 over Diane, and Brandy. Brandy has had two 8-5 weeks in a row, lifting her into a third place tie.
The Mendoza Line Breached. Ed, Patrick and Sean all scored under .500 during week 9. They had identical picks, straining probability, although I'm sure Brandy could clear that up with some bizarre factorial argument.
Others in the 90's. Kirk with 91, Wayne, Marcus, and Sean with 90.
Omaha Back on Line. Wayne lost his circa 1983 computer and called to complain (is that a redundancy?) about his inability to log on to the Go Zone site. The league's crack IT rep was able to talk him through the process but not without a host of threats, two attempts to quit the league, and myriad complaints about stupid computers, the fascist commissioner, and the unfairness of life in general. When the ordeal (as the rep called it) was over, the rep was waiting for a "Thank you," when all he got was, "It's about time." and 5 or 210 minutes of another paranoid rap.
Conspiracy Against the Commissioner Identified. Thanks to Kirk, the Commish has identified the source of rebellion against his duly appointed rule. It now seems obvious that Naples Kevin along with Omaha have been conspiring to end the Commissioner's reign and usurp the power for themselves. While they often bicker amongst themselves, everyone knows that Wayne likes Kevin the most and Kevin never complained about Wayne's cheating at Strat-o-matic Baseball.
This is serious charge and one that cuts the league in half. The Commissioner has consulted with Ed and Patrick, and has their support, as well as Marc's and Luke's, although Luke wanted concessions made around the Commissioner's truck, currently housed in NH. That puts six backing the Commissioner. The rebel group has Wayne and Kevin, and, given tone of Sanford's comments to the Commissioner, Sean and Brandy, and of course Jo and Kate. That gives them 6 in their grimy group. That leave only Diane as an unaffiliated member of the league. If she should stay that way, the rebels will be stymied from their diabolical plot, but should she lean either way, the forces of good and evil will be unleashed.
It should be noted that earlier in the year, Wayne wanted Karen to become a member, and Sean and Bran wanted Ryan and Kyle to join. The Commish now sees the intent of those actions. The new members would be securely in the rebel group and would tilt the balance of power inexorably to the dark side.
The Commissioner labors on, defending the league and battling the forces who would destroy the league for their own gain. He warmly accepts the loyalty of his supporter, and admonishes the rebels with, "Be careful. I am watching you."
Kevin Ascends. Kevin followed a 10-3 week 8 with a 8-5 week 9, pushing his lead to 3 over the Commish, and 5 over Diane, and Brandy. Brandy has had two 8-5 weeks in a row, lifting her into a third place tie.
The Mendoza Line Breached. Ed, Patrick and Sean all scored under .500 during week 9. They had identical picks, straining probability, although I'm sure Brandy could clear that up with some bizarre factorial argument.
Others in the 90's. Kirk with 91, Wayne, Marcus, and Sean with 90.
Omaha Back on Line. Wayne lost his circa 1983 computer and called to complain (is that a redundancy?) about his inability to log on to the Go Zone site. The league's crack IT rep was able to talk him through the process but not without a host of threats, two attempts to quit the league, and myriad complaints about stupid computers, the fascist commissioner, and the unfairness of life in general. When the ordeal (as the rep called it) was over, the rep was waiting for a "Thank you," when all he got was, "It's about time." and 5 or 210 minutes of another paranoid rap.
Conspiracy Against the Commissioner Identified. Thanks to Kirk, the Commish has identified the source of rebellion against his duly appointed rule. It now seems obvious that Naples Kevin along with Omaha have been conspiring to end the Commissioner's reign and usurp the power for themselves. While they often bicker amongst themselves, everyone knows that Wayne likes Kevin the most and Kevin never complained about Wayne's cheating at Strat-o-matic Baseball.
This is serious charge and one that cuts the league in half. The Commissioner has consulted with Ed and Patrick, and has their support, as well as Marc's and Luke's, although Luke wanted concessions made around the Commissioner's truck, currently housed in NH. That puts six backing the Commissioner. The rebel group has Wayne and Kevin, and, given tone of Sanford's comments to the Commissioner, Sean and Brandy, and of course Jo and Kate. That gives them 6 in their grimy group. That leave only Diane as an unaffiliated member of the league. If she should stay that way, the rebels will be stymied from their diabolical plot, but should she lean either way, the forces of good and evil will be unleashed.
It should be noted that earlier in the year, Wayne wanted Karen to become a member, and Sean and Bran wanted Ryan and Kyle to join. The Commish now sees the intent of those actions. The new members would be securely in the rebel group and would tilt the balance of power inexorably to the dark side.
The Commissioner labors on, defending the league and battling the forces who would destroy the league for their own gain. He warmly accepts the loyalty of his supporter, and admonishes the rebels with, "Be careful. I am watching you."
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Luke's Garage Floor Goes Hollywood
Luke polished his garage floor last spring and his boss brought in a professional photographer to take some shots of it. Recently, some of those shots showed up in a trade magazine.
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