The first week of the Go Zone football league was marred by the betrayal of 6 members who picked against the Patriots. Perhaps it should be stated that originally the name of the league was the New England Patriots Go Zone Football league, but legalities made us shorten it just the Go Zone Football League. It has always been a league that revered the Patriots and all they stand for. I have protected that heritage, but some members, in a victory of betrayal over trust, chose to throw away points because some corrupt sodomites in Los Vegas predicted a loss for them. The weaker members saw this as a quick way to jump ahead in the league and proudly abandoned tradition, loyalty and good sense.
I have always tried to use subtle admonition to remind members of their duty, but obviously that isn’t getting through to the most hard-headed members. The Commish has been deluged by members calling for the official condemnation of these rouge members.
Let us look at the scurrilous suspects. First, Omaha. This is a sad case. Omaha knows better than to forsake the Pats, yet he feels compelled to throw points away. Perhaps the disfigurement of his hand, or just his left-handedness in general, has culminated in his turning his back on normal people. Who knows. It is simply sad how far he has fallen. Despicable.
Then there is the Dink King of the North. His dinky kingly actions seem to stop at the league’s door. In his arrogance and hubris, he flaunts his disrespect for the league, for his fellow members and for himself. I take this one personally. I was the first one to get him drunk and to allow him to experience the mysteries of a hangover. I watched him with pride as he attempted to get up from the table, then use the counter hand over hand to get to the bathroom. Good times! And now this.
Then there is Sanford. This one hurts. I have always treated him as the nephew I never had. His career demands attention to detail, loyalty and good judgment. Too bad he can’t bring all that to the league. Instead, he slouches away to Gomorrah, loyal only to the money lenders in the temple.
And finally we have the Royces. As newbies to the league, I would not think they would flaunt the rules and regulations, which I know they read and understood because I have affidavits stating as much from each of them. Yet, here they are in week one, picking against the Patriots, thumbing their noses at our great league and throwing away points on a vain attempt to steal them.
Perhaps they, and all league members, should be reminded of Section V, provision 2 of the Rules, Regulations and By-laws of the League:
We now know that the Scurrilous Six are Patriot haters. But there is hope. Last year, Big Red picked against the Patriots four times and she ended up four points behind the leaders and eventual winners. This week she picked the Pats. Welcome back Big Red!
And finally, a note on betrayal. Throughout history, betrayers have been singled out as the worst of the worst. No one is more reviled in the Bible than Judas for his selling of Jesus for pieces of gold. In The inferno, Dante reserved the lowest rung of hell for those who betray—below murderers, thieves and perverts.
I wish to look on the bright side, instead of staring into the abyss of the Scurrilous Six. I prefer to recognize the 12 league members who stood by the Pats, who proudly displayed their loyalty in the face of overwhelming odds. Now is not the time for the faint of heart or the sunshine Patriot fan. To be a Patriot fan is to welcome the odds against us, to seek out the strongest teams and to leave the NFL mired in their disbelief slowly turning into pillars of salt.
