Blah, blah, blah

Once again Deland shamelessly resorts to spouting lies about Omaha's domination of his cousins at the camp on Lake Unconoonuc during our childhood summer Stratomatic baseball games.

Nevermind that none other than my beloved Uncle Chappie himself was the commissioner, umpire-in-chief and referee given the thankless task of keeping his three whiney sons under control as a result of their tantrums after repeatedly getting hammered by Cousin Wayne.

Nevermind that elder rat rascal son Edmund Joseph O'Leary, Jr., aka Little Chappie, aka The Ghost, outright lied to innocent cousin Wayne about the meaning of the zone numbers on the baseball players' cards prior to the player draft.

He told me "10" was a home run zone, "1" was a strikeout zone, "7" was a ground out, when in fact 10 was a strikeout, 1 a home run, 7 a single, yada yada yada.  In spite of this dishonesty, I showed my managerial skills and assembled an unbeatable team of superstars that won our "World Series" every year.

My leading slugger?  Red Schoendiest, who had a "1", or home run zone, about as wide as the point of a needle. 

And yet - And yet!  Schoendiest hit more home runs than anybody, because of my skill at spinning the needle to stop at exactly the 12 o'clock position.  My cousins would make me start my spin at every different location possible, and still I could expertly stop it at 12 o'clock. 

So they protested.

So uncle Chappie was called in to explain to his sons in the nicest way possible, that they were
losers.

And now Deland, who by the way, was a little runt not really old enough to know who Ted Williams was, whines on and on about the lies told him by his older, delinquent brothers, long after Uncle Chappie shook my hand and declared me the champion.

This was repeated summer after summer.

So now Deland brings it up again.

And how is this relevant to our Commish's inability to make one and one equal two?

It isn't.

It just proves they are still losers.


Omaha
VP Quality Control
Asst. VP Statistical Research