Noted Colts lover and Pats hater Ed (he must be adopted) O'Leary has once again picked the Pats to lose. As commissioner, I have to remind all that he has a right to pick against the Pats. This is America, after all, and the league is progressive in its defense of our members' freedoms. But it does call for more stringent requirement measures. With this in mind, I have instituted a policy of membership authentication. Following Texas fine lead, henceforth all perspective members will be required to submit to the commissioner an original birth certificate. This will allay any festering doubts about Ed's parentage and American citizenship. In the meantime, let's support Ed as we would a member of the family.
The Commish
